JUL 30, singable satire: vaso-vagal syncope, "FLAKING OUT IS WHAT THEY DO"

PARODY-LYRICS
ORIGINAL SONG : "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do", Neil Sedaka - recorded in two versions , 1962 (classic doo-wap version), and 1975 (slow-ballad version).
PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, November 2015.

BACKGROUND INFORMATION:  

Health-care professionals who have to inject patients know that the fittest looking specimens, often muscular young men, are the most likely to faint with an injection, particularly if they stare at the needle. This phenomenon is well-known in Nuclear Medicine departments, where an intravenous injection is required before most scans. The injections are not technically challenging, as these out-patients have easy veins to access, but the somewhat unexpected result may disrupt the day’s schedule. 

“Sinus brady” is jargon for sinus bradycardia, a slow but regular and innocuous pattern on the electrocardiogram (ECG). CPR is an acronym for cardio-pulmonary resuscitation. Atropine, an injectable medicine to increase heart-rate may be used as part of resuscitation procedures. Syncope (pron. sin'-copy) means a faint. Vaso-vagal, a difficult but commonly-used term, refers to vascular effects (low blood pressure etc.) mediated by the vagus nerve.

FLAKING OUT IS WHAT THEY DO

(to the tune of "Breaking up is Hard To Do"

1. Slow ballad version (1975)

Down here in Nuclear Medicine, we have one big complaint

So, here's a little song about "The Faint" .....

"We need inject before we scan
And you have got such very big veins, man
Tell me please before I poke,
“You’ve never been a fainting bloke?”

(Sick patients - we get sent a lot
To assess heart disease and bad lung clots
But stretcher-bound in-patients ain’t
The folks who do injection-faints.)

A prior episode they seldom confirm -

Needles make them squeamishly squirm
 Seemed fit and hardy before,
 But soon as we inject we find them white as sheets slumped on the floor.

If I had known the outcome - that,

I would have lain him down and poked him flat

Guys hush up 'cause they prefer

Cross fingers that it won't recur.

Pulse and heart-rate typically low

Specific feature that you should know

Sinus brady – ECG;

It’s vaso-vagal syncope
It's vaso-vagal syncope.

2. Classic Rock version (1962)

  I beg the staff, don’t get too keen

They don’t need CPR or atropine

Leave their heads down on the floor;

Legs elevate and nothing more.

Blood pressure will come up and they’ll start to come ‘round,

Queeziness means leave left side down.

You can proceed with the test,

But if they ever show again, injecting while they’re supine’s best.

 

I tell my staff, don’t get too stressed

They need blood-volume transferred to their chest;

Leave their heads down on the floor

Legs elevate and nothing more.

Down doobee do down  down,  comma comma

Down doobee do down down,  comma comma

Down doobee do down down

Flaking out is what they-ey-ey do.