AUG 30, singable satire: a reggae ballad: "F.O.P. -SHOP WINE"

PARODY-LYRICS
ORIGINAL SONG : "Red Red Wine",  Neil Diamond 1968, covered by the reggae band UB40, 1983, with addition of a "toasted" rap section.
PARODY COMPOSED: Giorgio Coniglio, November 2015.

 In my province of Ontario and a few other Canadian provinces, licences are granted to shops which allow customers to make their own beer or wine "for personal consumption". These stores are generally referred to by the public as "wineries" or "wineshops", but the Alcohol and Gaming Commission of Ontario who regulates these outlets, refers to the stores as UVin or UVin/UBrew, and to the process as FOP (ferment on premises). Some customers who have appropriate space and ambient conditions in their basements prefer to buy equipment and kits for FAH (ferment at home). I personally have been an enthusiastic user of FOP for 15 years, (although I must admit that I have seldom referred to it by this term). 

FOP-SHOP WINE

(to the tune of "Red Red Wine" - reggae version by UB40)

FOP-store wine 

wine kits for sale
in an Ontario store

My kind of sh-o-o-op 

They take my credit card, 

Do all the wo-o-ork.

FOP-shop wine 

Add yeast to mu-u-ust 

Then when my batch is done

Remember to sho-o-ow

Must schedule to show.

I’ll get called - 

Bottling time

Box up thirty that you’ve cleaned

Labels choose

Shrink-wrap tops

After using cork-machine.

The FOP process

FOP-shop wine 

Save half the co-o-ost

Take up no basement  space

Yet fill home wine-racks.

Pay no high tax.

(the "toasted" rap section as per UB40 version) 

 FOP-shop wine, you help reduce the cost

Keep me from feeling me money is lost

FOP-shop wine, you make me feel so grand

We host lots of parties 'cause I’ve always wine on hand

FOP-shop wine, when you’re gone you make me think

Empties need washing in the basement laundry sink. 

FOP-shop wine, I can get to where you are

Boxes in a taxi, when I’ve broken-down old car.

FOP-shop stores, Canucks call them UVin

Personal consumption is seen as no sin. 

Some province license UVin and UBrew
(Brew-shops in the USA who'll do your wine are few.)
FOP-shop wine, might be in your neighbourhood

Quality can vary, but most kits are quite good.

 Twenty years - a few bad bottles, five or six

Never short of holiday or birthday gifts.

 F-O-P means "ferment on premises"
Lots of varieties to please your picky missus
FOP-shop kits always come from foreign lands
Must be some reason local growers not at hand 
FOP-shop kits which we'll really like I know
Aussie shiraz, French or Chilean merlot
Need no special gear, technique's not too hard
Fermentation start by stirring with your credit card.

Reprise: final verse

(FOP.......tax)

staff workspace
in a UVin/UBrew shop

Fade

 

AUG 29, exotic destination: Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina

Other verses about 'Exotic Travel Destinations' can be found on our blog 'Edifying Nonsense'. Click HERE.

shoreline of Charleston Harbor,
cruiseship approaching in shipping lane

approachable 'wild' waterfowl,
an attraction at the Shem Creek boardwalk

AUG 28, planet-saving verse: summer air quality

Authors' Note: Although meat-eating is a practice that we personally have avoided for almost 20 years, we do accept that most people around us continue to indulge in this ancient tradition, appropriate to when the planet and our species were younger. We would not make you happy if we continued on a rant (kvetch = complaint) about this issue; we prefer to remain silent, and live and let live. Inhabiting a downtown neighborhood with very small urban lots has its limitations, and the smells and smoke of dinner being barbecued by our neighbors almost every summer evening is one of them. 

By the way, we and our partner continue to eat seafood and fish on occasion to ensure adequate protein intake, but one person in our immediate family is a true vegetarian (but not vegan). As you know, the terms to describe these eating patterns are complex and even misleading, but all non-meat-eaters would prefer that others keep their steak-smoke to themselves.    

You can help save the planet by viewing all our verses in this series at "Edifying Nonsense". Click HERE!

AUG 27, organic brain poetry: frontal meningioma

Authors' Note: 

stroma: connective tissue that supports normal body structures and, on occasion, abnormal growths

Meningioma is a not-uncommon slowly growing benign tumor within the cranium. Pressure on adjacent portions of normal brain induce neurological symptoms. When the tumor is located in the frontal cortex, neuropsychiatric manifestations may include bizarre thoughts, frequently paranoid, and unrepressed behavior. Fortunately, the tumors, when suspected, are readily diagnosed on neuro-imaging studies, and surgical therapy is often curative.

Brain tumours account for only a small portion of patients suffering such neuropsychiatric symptoms; however, medical practitioners frequently hope that such a correctable cause may be discovered.

You can view and review all our verses on the topic of 'Organic Brain Poetry' by following this link to the encyclopedic collection on "Edifying Nonsense."

AUG 26, American satire (prolongation): taking the fifth

Recent news ...

 

We hope that you enjoyed this verse. You can find 40 more on this topic in 6 collections on our full-service blog 'Edifying Nonsense'. Click HERE to start! 

AUG 25, duplication: fuddle-duddle

Authors' Note: (usually, FUD-uhl-dud-uhl, or with a French lilt, as here, fud-uhl-DUD-uhl)

fuddle-duddle: an infrequently used (re)duplication, voiced dismissively in dealing with opinions that the speaker rejects.

In 1971 Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau, father of current PM Justin Trudeau, unleashed a minor scandal by using unparliamentary language in the Canadian House of Commons. A portion of the ensuing brouhaha, deftly sidestepped by Trudeau, revolved around whether he had actually spoken or merely mouthed the inappropriate words.

Web discussion:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fuddle_duddle

Readers willing to go down an internet rabbit-hole can easily get to a collection of more than a dozen other short verses SHORT VERSES  in which we have dealt with specific reduplications. 

If interested you could also discover three fairly lengthy PATTER-SONGS about this fascinating linguistic phenomenon. These songs form an important part of our cycle of 9 songs about "Word Pairs".

AUG 24, patients and their maladies: intermittent claudication

Authors' Note:

claudicant: limping, lame

 Pain occurring in one or both legs with exercise in patients with blockages in their leg arteries is termed 'intermittent claudication', a condition particularly prevalent in longterm smokers. 

 Discarded cigarette butts, which may release toxins injurious to wildlife, have been identified by environmentalists as an ecological hazard. 

You can view these verses in a wider context by proceeding to 'Nurse-Verse: Patients and their Maladies' on our full-service blog "Edifying Nonsense". Click HERE!

AUG 23, Canadiana: compassionate use

Authors' Note (originally written in 2016):  

   Growing marijuana seems to be a major activity on Vancouver Island, British Columbia, centred in the city of Nanaimo (nuh-NAHY-moh). Exemptions from restrictions on the substance are given for certain medical conditions, termed compassionate use; however, the criteria appear loosely applied, and overlapping recreational and medicinal use of the substance underlies the region's laid-back attitude.

   It is unlikely that Nanaimo will successfully challenge the dominance in limericks currently held by Nantucket. The island of Nantucket has been the setting for a number of limericks; the most famous clean one deals with a crotchety old man whose daughter rips off his poorly hidden cash.

You can review poems, pictures and diverse nonsense related to Canada on the post "Canadiana" on our full-service blog  "Edifying Nonsense".

AUG 22, funny bones: olecranon (elbow) fracture

Happy Birthday, MMH!!

Authors' Note:

funner: a neologism for 'fun-seeker', as used here; also, a disputed equivalent to the comparative expression 'more fun’

  The olecranon is the bony process (extension) of the forearm's ulna that extends into the elbow joint. Fractures of the olecranon are moderately common, due to direct trauma (fall on the elbow), but even more so due to indirect trauma (transmission of intense force with a fall on the outstretched hand). Owing to the proximity of the ulnar nerve, a broken funny bone may be associated with numbness and tingling extending into the fingers.

  Such injuries have bedevilled joggers and elite athletes, but recently have become more common with the popularity of personal electric transport devices. Surgical treatment is generally required for these fractures that often have displaced bone fragments. 

 You can view more than a dozen other verses on this topic in a wider context by proceeding to the post 'Breaking News: FUNNY BONES' on our full-service blog "Edifying Nonsense". Click HERE!

AUG 21, classic palindrome: 'dogma: I am God'

                                                                     

You can review these illustrated verses in a wider context by proceeding to 'Reversing Verse: Limericks About Classic Palindromes' on the full-service blog 'Edifying Nonsense'.

AUG 20, singable satire: Neil Young sings "COACH the NESTLINGS"

 SONG with UKULELE CHORDS

ORIGINAL SONG: "Teach Your Children" 1970, lyrics by Graham Nash, recorded by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

PARODY COMPOSED: Dr G.H. and Giorgio Coniglio, April 2019. For collections of illustrated verses on planet-saving themes, click HERE. poetic  

PARODY-SONGLINK: To access ukulele chord-charts to help you accompany "Coach the Nestlings" on your favorite instrument, click HERE.

COACH the NESTLINGS

(to the tune of Teach Your Children)

You, who are on the wing,

Must have a thing, that you can sing to;

But Man won't understand

This fragile planet's all we cling to.

Coach your nestlings well,

Their inland habitats may go dry, 

And breeding sites marine

May leave the scene, as oceans rise high.

Greenhouse gases in the sky,

(Equatorial zones may fry)

Moving polarward they'll try,

And trust in Gaia.

Cetaceans on the float

Should take a vote, and send a note to

That shameful human race,

Who will not face, there's no place to boat to.

There's no Noah's Ark to ride,

There's no place we all can hide,

Stable atmosphere provide,

In skies above you.

AUG 19, curtained verse: foul-mouthed Phil

EDITORS' WARNING: You must be at least 12 years of age to read this post.

Author's Note:  The authors have observed exuberant springtime spread of duckweed, an aqueous plant that superficially resembles an algal bloom, but is in fact beneficial in controlling pollutants.

The resultant marked increase in opacity of the pondwater's surface doesn't seem to bother dabbling fowl like ducks, whose omnivorous eating is targeted primarily at vegetable matter. Night herons, on the other hand, eat a diet of various small creatures, aquatic and terrestrial, ambushing them while standing near the edge of the water. I presume that a dense cover of duckweed would complicate attempts by Phil (as well as his colleagues, although he tends to hunt alone)  to grab a meal of small fish (fries or minnows), if he was so motivated.  

 You can review other mildly scurrilous illustrated verses in a wider context by proceeding to 'Curtained verse: Faintly Obscene (Selected) Limericks' on the full-service blog 'Edifying Nonsense'.

AUG 18, Italian loanwords: cicerone

Authors' Note:    Guides for tourists in Italy are often given the interesting name cicerone (plural -oni). The label is derived from the Italian Cicerone (chee-che-ROH-neh), the surname of the legendary Roman orator Marcus Tullius Cicero (SIH-suh-roh in Anglo-Latin, 106–48 BCE). The term has been applied to Italian antiquarians, as well as to talkative guides and interpreters.

 

   The Roman family's name was related to the word for chickpeas (ciceri in Latin, ceci in Italian). ‘Baloney’, an anglicism derived from the globally popular Italian sausage mortadella bolognese, has come in American slang to mean exaggerated claims or nonsense.

 You can review our entire poetic outpouring about Italian loanwords by proceeding to a post on our full-service blog 'Edifying Nonsense'; click HERE.

AUG 17, palinku (poetic novelty): Canadiana

Heartfelt birthdaywishes to RCH

   In this post, we continue with a novel form of poetic wordplay. Inspired by Japanese haiku poetry, this new form is used for a terse verse with a total of 17 syllables displayed on three lines. Unlike its earlier analogues, this cross-cultural haiku-like concoction does not mandate the precise distribution of the syllables among the three lines, but does stipulate that each word in the poem be included in a palindromic phrase or sentence in English (i.e. one that can be read either forwards or backwards). 

  To help the reader discern the origin of the lyrics, each palindrome (generally occupying one of the three lines of the poem) has been color-coded. 

 You can view all our verses of this type if you  proceed with a single click to our more encyclopedic blog "Edifying Nonsense". Click HERE. (Or if you prefer, you can stay on this particular blogsite and look for the offerings for the 17th day of each month -- there are now more than 60 of these.)

AUG 16, waterfowl: habitat restored (Crab Bank)

Heartfelt up coming birthday wishes to RCH!

placard on site

 You can review these illustrated verses in a wider context by proceeding to 'Immersible Verse: Limericks about Waterfowl' on the full-service blog 'Edifying Nonsense'. 

AUG 15, American satire (prolongation): FBIer

Author's Note: FBIer is a term that is occasionally used to denote an employee of the US Federal Bureau of Investigation. The search in question in the above verse was carried out by warrant after a federal judge had been persuaded that a crime hae been committed in the premises, in this case a south Florida golf-club. Apparently, as subsequently shown, negotiations for the return of the unlawfully sequestered documents had gone on for months, and a subpoena had been issued. (See, also, our verse 'Classified (Espionage Act)'.

We hope that you enjoyed this verse. You can find 40 more on this topic in 6 collections on our full-service blog 'Edifying Nonsense'. Click HERE to start! 

AUG 14, STD-poetry: the 'gon-dom' and the condom

 

Authors' Note: These lyrics are intended to be sung in rap format.

Life-threatening medical aspects of the often-discounted STD (sexually transmitted disease) gonorrhea are well described in the Author's Note to SheilaB’s verse ‘Chaldaea’. 

  Gonorrheal infection of the external genitalia, caused by the bacterium Neisseria gonorrhoeae, may also result in pelvic inflammatory disease in females, epididymitis in males, and chronic infertility. Transmission of the disease is prevented by condoms.

You can review verses on this topic in a wider context in a post on our full-service blog "Edifying Nonsense" by proceeding to the post 'Ruination, Rumination and Reminiscence: STD-Poetry'. Click HERE. 

AUG 13, birdlore: cattle egrets

Authors' Note: The cattle egret is a wading bird most closely related to the herons of Ardea species, but is also a cousin of the common egret and snowy egret. Unlike the latter birds, it may breed in drier areas further inland, and consume terrestrial insects as a substantial portion of its diet. Recently documented changes in its range include expansion to much of the United States, South America, southern Africa and Australia. In general, the bird's enlarged domain has followed that of domesticated grazing mammals.

You can view an encyclopedic collection of illustrated poems on this topic by proceeding to the post 'Poems about BIRDLIFE' on our full-service blog "Edifying Nonsense". Click HERE. 

AUG 12, poems about parasites: order of fleas

Authors' Note: The fleas, wingless blood-sucking hopping insects, infest and make miserable a variety of warm-blooded host species including most famously man and dog. In America, the vast majority of infestations of domestic pests involve the cat flea, Ctenophalides felis.

You can review Giorgio's other verses about parasites, both external (ecto-) and internal (endo-) on our full-service blog "Edifying Nonsense". Click HERE.

AUG 11, defining opinion: holdout

 Our blogpost "Defining Opinion" on the topic-based blog "Edifying Nonsense" shows a selection of similar verses submitted to OEDILF (the online Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form). You can see all of these on one visit by clicking HERE.

AUG 10, a brief saga (American satire): Mar-a-lago, the dacha

Authors' Note: 

NARA (NAY-ruh): acronym for the US agency National Archives and Records Administration

‘M.B.S’: Mohammid bin Salman, Saudi prince

 The name of the Florida estate, Mar-a-lago, might have been better formulated by its builder Marjorie Post in Spanish as Mar-al-lago, or in Italian as Mare-al-lago. 

  It is noted that the following are palindromes:

Deified  (but not ‘declassified’)

Dacha: ah!, cad. 

Mar-a-lago: O, gal, a ram!

  The Mar-a-lago estate, purchased by Donald Trump in 1985, served since 2016 as the 'Southern White House’. In 2021, having lost the national election of November 2020, Trump decamped from the White House to Mar-a-lago, taking with him, contrary to regulations, a substantial number of government documents.  

  John McCain and Jeff Flake were Republican senators from Arizona who became vocal opponents of DJT. 

 For the purpose of this blog, a 'brief saga' is defined as a poem, usually narrative, but occasionally expository, that tell its story in at least 15 lines. Most commonly, the format involves three stanzas in limerick form, constituting a single submission to the online humor site 'Omnificent English Dictionary in Limerick Form'. On the OEDILF site, rigorous standards for content and format are involved in a collaborative editing process that may take several weeks to over a year. 

 There are now over 40 of these lengthier bits of doggerel featured at OEDILF in Giorgio's "Author's Showcase". The OEDILF number for each accepted multiverse poem is shown here on the slide with its first verse. We have been blog-publishing these poetic adventures here monthly since January 2020.

To access the next 'brief saga' (September 2022), proceed to Beri-beri (vitamin B1 deficiency).

To access the most recent previous 'brief saga' (July 2022), back up to 'Careers --  pluralia tantum' (Grandpa Greg's advanced grammar). 

To access all of our 'brief sagas' by the year of their creation, click on your selection below.

 

2021
2022
2023.

AUG 9, origin of our "bloggerel": parts #3 and #4 --- wordplay and photography

WORDPLAY: Like most writers and editors we love words. They are the basis of many of our song lyrics and poems. One of the greatest elements of wordplay is rhyme, a fact that provides some explanation for our persistence in lyrics and poetry. You will find a fair amount of better-defined wordplay on our blogs, including foreign-language borrowings, palindromes and anagrams. In certain cases we have gone to extremes, including "magic" palindromes, anagram wordplay-maps, and spoofs on classic palindromes, etymology and grammar rules. Because these activities consume a lot of time and effort, we have often been drawn to describe them in verse, posting those on the OEDILF site for editing and publication. And, although we are likely to have initiated a fair proportion of the "new" concoctions, we have not attributed them,as such material is lurking and waiting to be found among the letters and words, rather than "created".    

PHOTOGRAPHY: Dr.G.H. spent the latter part of his professional career dealing with the interpretation of low-resolution nuclear images in medical diagnosis. So we have a deep interest in visual documentation whose technique renders the key features obvious. For spontaneous nature-photography on bicycle expeditions the cell-phone-camera is an obvious choice for portability, although resolution at a distance is an issue. Most of our photographs have been obtained with an i-phone 13, whose "live" feature provides an advance when the subject is moving. These photos enhance the "life-experience" nature of the posted material. On occasion, to make a point in a multi-media display, we borrow a relevant photo from the web, these are flagged by the term "web-photo", with colour coding of the text background, but space generally does not allow or mandate a full disclosure of the source. The reader is asked to please check these out, if indicated.