MUSICAL UNDERPINNINGS: "The Elements", a popular parody by Tom Lehrer, 1959, a song whose peculiarities are explained in the Wikipedia article.
PARODY COMPOSED: "No Elements", Giorgio Coniglio, 2013 -- a patter-song that borrows the tune and musical style of Lehrer's song, but with lyrics consisting of examples of the third declension of Latin nouns, a group of 'neutral' (non-gendered) names that are often absorbed as loanwords directly into English. Such nouns, numbering a few hundred, typically ending in -ium or -um, impart a classic or formal tone into discussions.
Giorgio's spoof lists more than a hundred of these formal-sounding terms, were incorporated into lyrics that were posted on the online parody-lyrics site "AmIRight" in 2014 HERE. A decade later, it might be worthwhile to review these lyrics again!
EXPLANATION: Lehrer had adapted the tune of "The Major General's Song" from Gilbert and Sullivan's "Pirates of Penzance". There are 3 somewhat different melodies/chord-sequences used in alteration through the GandS song, and in Lehrer's derived spoof.
The names of the chemical elements have been heavily influenced by the classics, with more than half derived directly from the Latin third declension forms, e.g. sodium, platinum. Lehrer's lyrics, consisting of a somewhat random list of the names of the known chemical elements highlights these forms, that may seem 'foreign' to non-chemists, e.g. scandium, tantalum.
Giorgio's lyrics, also a somewhat random list, honours the broader spectrum of third declension Latin nouns that have infiltrated our formal language, with particular involvement of areas such as law, mathematics, medicine, biology and architecture. As Lehrer had adequately covered the chemistry territory, such elements were not included in Giorgio's take, accounting for the title "No Elements".
UKULELE and GUITAR-FRIENDLY LINK: Our whole series of songs can be found in a friendly format for ukulele (and guitar)-players on our sister blog "SILLY SONGS and SATIRE" with chord-charts for both the parody and original song, as well as helpful performing suggestions.
To find ukulele chord-charts to help you accompany "NO ELEMENTS", click HERE.
But warning! It is not an easy task, particularly the singing part!
NO ELEMENTS
(to the tune of Lehrer's "The Elements")
Singable Introduction:
Tom Lehrer became a legend with his scientific patter-song,
More popular and loved than his unpublished “Anti-Matter Song”;
Enhancing humdrum discourse, just to quote his ode lends elegance
To conversation thrumming with the spectrum of the Elements.
We face this glum conundrum as alumni of Philology:
Lay-folk would like a list replete with Latin etymology
The possibilities for neutral nouns in -U-M loom awesome;
No need to invoke hokum terms like tantrum or opossum, chum.
 |
| a famous building in Rome |
 |
| a few English words ending in -UM are not of Latin origin |
Patter-Song Lyrics:
There’s atrium, asylum, arboretum, auditorium
Compendium and modicum and rostrum, crematorium
And coliseum, quantum, condominium, euphonium
And album, acetabulum, museum, pandemonium.
There’s maximum and minimum and optimum and medium
And opium, opprobrium, colloquium and tedium
Colostrum, serum, sputum, sebum, nostrum and meconium
And sternum, talcum, labium, ovum, spermatogonium.
Caladium, nasturtium and laburnum and geranium
And sacrum, c(a)ecum, ischium and tympanum and cranium
Consortium, memorandum, and symposium and podium
And duodenum, datum, vacuum, ultimatum, odium.
There’s pablum, perineum, paramecium, petroleum
And locum and inoculum, lyceum and linoleum
And tritium, deuterium, trapezium and trillium
Mycelium, flagellum, endothelium and cilium.
There’s quorum and decorum, mausoleum, moratorium
And premium, per-annum, honorarium, emporium
And pendulum and forum, fulcrum, speculum, bacterium
And cerebellum, plenum, sum, curriculum, delirium.
Gymnasium and stadium and magnum and terrarium
Solarium, momentum, myocardium, aquarium
And scrotum and factotum and postpartum and continuum
And spectrum, referendum, rectum and (What's left?) residuum.
Addendum #1
There's stratum, alum, allium, alluvium et alia,
And mom's pouch called marsupium, but mostly in Australia.
Addendum #2
To plural them, heads swirling them, “What single rule? - please answer, Pa”.
My dictum, “Don’t inflict ‘em with erratums or chrysanthema !”
There's stratum, alum, allium, alluvium et alia,
And mom's pouch called marsupium, but mostly in Australia.
Addendum #2
To plural them, heads swirling them, “What single rule? - please answer, Pa”.
My dictum, “Don’t inflict ‘em with erratums or chrysanthema !”
_
This piece was submitted to "Medium", November, 2025______________________________________________________________________
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To navigate around the 2,000 posts on this blog ("Daily Illustrated Nonsense", or D.I.N.), scroll downwards on the web-version (found with a click at the bottom of this post-page) until you get to a widget with a clickable SUMMARY OF CONTENTS BY DATE displayed with blue fonts -- the most recent are at the top; the oldest at the bottom of the list. Then, just click on any year or month to view the detailed contents -- illustrated short humorous poems, wordplay, parody song-lyrics, funky photos, etc.
OR, back up one step to see the photo-collage posted July 19 HERE.
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